(continued frompart 2: But I knew this peaceful, golden time wouldn't last forever. Already, my required internship had begun to loom in the horizon... I needed to find a job.)

Well by now I’d realized that psychology was not the right path for me, and I asked my dean if I could intern at a magazine or with a designer. Out of the question, she said. It had nothing to do with my course, I was better off sticking to the program. After all, having the right internship and work experience was crucial to getting into a master’s program for psychology, and what would the deans from the other international universities think about my stint in fashion? Did I really want to risk my chances of acceptance for a few weeks of fun at the photo shoots? Considering my recent string of lates and absences, I decided not to push my luck, and I let the issue go.

Days turned into weeks. The deadline for getting a job was imminent. Because of my grades, I knew I could get an internship at almost any psychology center, but I was so disheartened that I eventually ended up settling for some random position at a high school guidance center. Anyway, I thought, I’d have my friends with me. That counts for something, right? 

Umm, no, it didn’t. I took one look at the “business attire” we were required to wear and then left for an early lunch. I never came back.  

Determined, I scheduled an emergency appointment with my dean. I made my case. By the time we finished talking it was clear that there was no way I was going to pursue a career in psychology, however suited I was for the job. I guess just because you’re good at something, it doesn’t mean you have to do it for the rest of your life. 

So why not go for something you have absolutely no experience in, and risk your entire future?

Enter MEGA. 

I wish I could say, And the rest is history! But the truth is, it’s only the beginning. Literally. 

Even after months of tough mentoring by Angela in the magazine, the late night deadlines and the crack-o-dawn call times, and the craziest, sanity-threatening on-the-job experience that is working at MegaStyle, I still get the awful feeling that I’m unprepared to take on its responsibilities.  After all, who am I but someone still learning? Someone with still a long way to go?

But then I remember something my father once told me. He said that every time he was given new tasks and bigger responsibilities, he felt like he was going into it unprepared. Like he couldn’t take on the immensity of the undertaking, like he would fail.

He retired as the president of his company. 

If only I could be like him, I think, if I could dig deep into myself and find that I meet the challenge.  In any case, I don’t have a choice. I guess we all come to that point in our lives where all the roads we’ve gone down meet in one momentous junction, and there’s no where else to go but forward. I’m feeling that now, and more than a little part of me wants to run back and hide, to go back to drawing models and worrying about nothing but my blog followers and the weekend gimmick. 

Growing pains, maybe. I feel like I’m at that stage in my life where everything is hanging in the balance, always tipping one way or the other, precariously. What if I can’t hack it? What if I’m setting myself up for failure? But I know I can’t think that. I can’t let the doubt flood in and overcome me. After all, I also said I would never be able to draw, didn’t I? I guess it's funny what you find yourself capable of when you try.  

~

And with that, let me end in gratitude. MegaStyle.ph is going through so many changes this year, so many plans to make the best damn website we can possibly produce. I am so grateful to be working with an amazing team, with people who are extremely talented at what they do. To all our readers, THANK YOU! You make all the stress and sleepless nights and hard work worth it. We at MegaStyle.ph can’t wait to bring you a bigger, better site this 2012. 

So, to all, Cheers, Happy New Year, and Kung Hei Fat Choy!