If you’re anything like me (work-obsessed and universally regarded as “that kinda weird dude”), you’re probably single. Which would be fine, really, if a certain heart-shaped holiday weren’t coming up.

Just a few days ago a good friend of mine texted me, asking if I wanted to get set up on a date. To be honest, I haven’t been on a date in so long that when I get an offer like that, my first reaction is to recoil.

“Uhmmm, can’t eh, so busy!”

Like, super busy!

Haha. I can’t help it, though! Just the prospect of having to go through that getting-to-know-you small talk alone is dreadful. (Ahh ok, so anyway... How many siblings do you have ba...?) LOL. Compound that with my firstdateophobia (fear of awkward silences) and it’s pretty much guaranteed that my Valentine’s is going to be spent with the 3rd season of Fringe and a glass of vodka.

But still, the offer got me thinking. Let’s say I wasn’t such a weirdo, and that I actually met someone perfectly nice, and who wasn’t completely afraid of me. Even then, do I have any time for a partner anymore? 

For those of you who’ve been in a relationship for a while now, the idea of not having time for your girlfriend or boyfriend might seem strange. In my experience, the longer we are with somebody, the more ‘their’ time and ‘our’ time become the ‘same’ time, so to speak. But the thing is, when the relationship ends (as many do), we suddenly find ourselves up in the air, lost.

The best example I can think of is when my last relationship ended. For a long time after the dump, I couldn’t figure out what to do: Wake up... No one to text (awwww). Get ready for school... No one to check up on (LOL clingy!) Lunch period... No one to meet (no friends) Go home... No one to update regarding whereabouts. (“Home na me”) Get ready for bed... No one to... (Secret!)

But as time passed, I found myself beginning to follow a new schedule, to enjoy new hobbies and pastimes, to hang out in new places with new people, or meet up with old friends and start where we left off before I vanished from society. Sooner than I thought, the moping ended and I found myself living a different life, where I didn’t have to consider anyone else’s choices but my own. Where my time was no one else’s but mine.

And I began to fill this time with the furnishings of a bachelor: going out or staying in on weekends as I pleased, playing video games with the guys as long as I wanted to, spending on dinners and movies for one, not two (one of my favorite perks), and never having to remember stupid rules like texting the moment I woke up.

Flash forward to a few years later and what started out as a series of habits have now become my lifestyle, where every hour of the day is spent on my activities, my work, my leisure.

So now, when somebody asks if I want to go on a date, I think: When? And by that I mean, with what time? I’ve carved out a little space for myself in the world, and to have to make room for someone else sounds like a most inconvenient arrangement. No, it’s not the right time. I can’t possibly worry about that now.

But then again, when, no? When will I have time if I don’t make time? Maybe that’s it. Maybe what I’m really waiting for is someone worth making time for?

*cue "Alone" by Heart*

Or fine, Anne Curtis! 

At the end of the day I guess we can choose to live an easy life, a hassle-free life, a convenient life. Where we make our own calls, where we live the way we please, where we belong to no one but ourselves.

But now I’m beginning to wonder if that’s what I really want. 

Ugh. Damn you, Valentine’s. Maybe I’ll make that a double vodka. ALOOOOOONEEEEE